What if I stopped caring about other people and things? What if I vacated my mind and just made a small room for one single purpose? For days, weeks, and months I labored at crafting and building this custom hobby desk, It’s almost finished too!
I put almost everything aside a couple of months ago. I finally let go of a 30+ year friendship that wasn’t really meant to go anywhere after the first couple of months. Honestly I always had doubts about it.. whether I was worthy enough.. Time and time again I pushed all doubts to the side, even though every single time I looked in her eyes I fell out crying like a baby.
All those years of wanting, needing a solid “fix” of a relationship with a woman, and even though it was wonderful, meaningful, and even exhilarating in the beginning, then the real work began! Emotions, feelings, and even longings began to mix all together. Yeah, I thought I had finally found myself., along with everything else I was searching for. That was all literally bullshit.
Truth is, I could never be happy in a relationship, or friendship with a woman. That doesn’t mean that I could handle any other type. I love people, but honestly looking back over the past 48 years I can finally say that I can’t handle people!
It’s not that I am an introvert. I love reaching out, but getting involved in other’s lives is a rather touchy situation, at least for me. You can’t – at least I can’t, handle other’s affairs, feelings, etc. Everybodyhas issues in their lives, and for me to try and ease a broken soul, or mend a wounded heart… I just can’t.
So even though I may meet all kinds of people, and want to get involved, I need to step-back and un-involve myself.